Feral
by SecretAnimosity
Summary: I don't think he actually expected me to consider his proposal, in fact I don't think anyone expected me to. After Alice and Edward had politely declined I think everyone expected me to follow along like an obedient pet – even, perhaps especially, Edward. Eight pairs of eyes were glued to my face, waiting my response – dumbfounded that I had yet to give one. *Red Eye Warning* B/A
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: If you have a weak stomach this story is not intended for you. If you are under 18, please hit the back button now. This will contain lots of human drinking vampires - Bella in particular will be more of your average bloodthirsty newborn than she was in the books. Her first few months are particularly gory. You've been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Chapter One**

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows.

My breath caught in my throat while time ground to a screeching halt. For what felt like days it had done nothing but race forward, unrelenting and cruel as Alice and I raced to Volterra. My eyes left Aro's milky red ones and found Alice's, dark and unrelentingly hard, surrounded by dark purple bruises. My weak human eyes traced the planes of her beautiful face, the very face I had spent months simultaneously shoving to the dark recesses of my mind and holding preciously close to my heart.

Alice's words over the last few days haunted me. I wanted to hear her words of affection, from before the Cullens had so mercilessly abandoned me, to hear her tinkling laugh and feel her arms around me in a hug that was just a little too tight. Instead I heard her words with Charlie in the kitchen, _'__If I had known – I wouldn't__have come back.' _My chest constricted, but the words didn't stop there. _'__If we're too late, I'm going to do my damnedest to get you back to Charlie.' _

For months I had been lifeless without my best friend. Alice had gone so far as to change her e-mail address to cut me out of her life. Even now that she was back it wasn't for me, it was to save her brother. Suddenly looking at Alice, really looking instead of being blinded by relief, was too painful to bear. I tore my gaze away from her startled face and looked to Edward, my precious Edward.

The face of Adonis, hardened and smoothed into a near perfect picture of calm. Near perfect. I could see the anger in his eyes and the tension in his neck. It was the same mask of aloofness he wore when he had left me in the forest, when he had ripped everything we had built out from under me. I couldn't help but think of Jung and how utterly right he was, _'__The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.' _

Edward had been so wrong when he thought I could go back to being the girl who had left Arizona to release her mother from maternal obligations. I wasn't that girl anymore, I didn't even recognize her. If there was one thing I learned from Edwards malicious 'clean break', it was that there was no going back. There was no human life for me. I had not only met Edward, but I had been introduced into a whole new world where I felt, no I _knew_ in my very bones that I belonged.

I may have been melted down, remolded into a girl I didn't recognize, but there was enough of Isabella Swan left to know that no matter the circumstances, I wanted, no needed to be a vampire. The human world had not only lost its appeal but I had lost the innocence needed to be able to live in it. Yet as a human, I could not fully join the vampiric world I was glimpsing and was left straddling the seam where mortal met immortal. _I _was not the danger magnet; I simply left in the limbo between which my mortal body could not survive.

The expression of forced calm never left Edward's face and I continued to study it, really study it as he watched Aro. Like this, I was not distracted by his sweet breath or dazzled by his crooked smile. No, like this I able to form coherent thoughts, come to profound conclusions that I had never been able to form in all the time we had been both together and apart. I knew what I needed, but did I know how to get it?

I had had this conversation with Edward many times. Each time the answer was the same, he vehemently refused the change. I had spoken to Carlisle as well, his answer no more heartening; he would not go against his son's wishes. Even Alice, who had just toyed with the idea hours ago, wouldn't actually change me.

The Cullen motto had always been never bet against Alice, but was I truly about to put my fragile immortal future into her metaphorically shaky hands? After all she had _only _come back because she thought I had died and she had _only_ stayed to save her brother. Not one time had she taken me in her arms or just once whispered that she was sorry, because she wasn't. Alice liked me well enough, liked having another girl she could dress up and play with, but she liked me because of I was part of a pair, not an individual. I would never have a bond with her like she had with Rosalie, or even Esme.

My conclusion was as simple as it was painful; I had tried – and failed – to make Edward's family my family. They didn't see me as I thought I saw them because to them, in this one case, they were just like the humans they attempted to portray. I was the girlfriend, nice enough but temporary.

I thought maybe this conclusion would kill me; maybe that's why I had shoved it so far away for so many months. And yet, it was always there, lurking in the back of my mind just waiting for me to be ready to handle the reality.

Edward and I, however strongly we had felt for each other, were not mates. Deep down, I think we all knew it too. Edward was an addict, not to me but to the blood coursing through my veins and to the mind that refused to let him hear even a whisper of its workings. I on the other hand, had fallen in love with immortality, not the person – not Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. I had been charmed with the idea of a boyfriend, with the beautiful romance that had been written, and with the future of being a vampire. But our relationship? Everything about our relationship had been unhealthy from the start; Charlie knew it, the Cullens knew it, even I had known it.

Mortal and immortal imbalances aside, Edward and I had put each other on pedestals and been too blind to realize it. In my eyes, Edward could have done no wrong and I had practically worshiped the very air he breathed. It blinded me from seeing how he melted me down and reshaped me into his idea of perfect. Everything I had, everything I once was, was lost in an ocean of topaz. I had lost everything that had made me Isabella Swan, in hopes that one day, preferably sooner rather than later, I would undergo my transformation and awaken as Isabella Cullen – the immortal.

My eyes left the planes of the very face I had yearned with all my very being for months to see, that I had done reckless and dangerous things just to hallucinate, and traveled back to the somewhat perplexed – surprised even – crimson eyes of Aro Volturi. The leader of the immortals.

I could not help my heart fluttering, matching the feeling in my stomach. This man, who Alice had told me was over three thousand years old, had offered me – a timid, unkempt, and dirty mortal – what I had craved since I had first uttered the word vampire reverently. He offered me a place in the strongest coven on the planet without so much as a pained expression or slight pause.

I don't think he actually expected me to consider his proposal, in fact I don't think anyone expected me to. After Alice and Edward had politely declined I think everyone expected me to follow along like an obedient pet – even, perhaps especially, Edward. Eight pairs of eyes were glued to my face, waiting my response – dumbfounded that I had yet to give one. Alice looked pained and her mouth was set in a grim line, as if maybe this wasn't so surprising after our conversation on the plane.

Edward was now turned in my direction his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes sparkling dangerously. I could practically hear his thoughts shouting at me, yelling at me to open my mouth and tell Aro no like the good girl I was. I could see Jane behind him and just far enough to the right to see her wide eyes, an expression that looked so out of place after seeing her so hateful, so sadistic. Beside her and in even better view was her brother Alec who was around my height, if maybe an inch or two taller, and watched me with crimson eyes that sparkled in amusement. His mood was in stark contrast to how he had viewed me earlier, only minutes ago I had been nothing – not in a malicious way but in a way that said I had done nothing to garner any sort of response from him as opposed to the sadistic glare I had earned from his sister – now though, my initial silence and subsequent rebellion of preconceived notions had garnered his attention and his approval. There was a silent conversation in one passing glance.

Although Alec's approval was not concrete and hinged on my next few words, it was a soothing balm to my pounding heart and timid tendencies. Every vampire in the room was focused on me now, waiting for me to speak, and I knew that if I didn't have Alec there silently cheering me forward I would have stuttered out a negative response only to have Edward once again take command of my life.

But I did, Alec's unwavering gaze did not hold the surprise or the questions that every other vampire held. His gaze bolstered me, challenged me to take the reins of my own life that Aro was offering to me, and pushed me to imagine a life out from underneath the oppression of the Cullens. Immortality could be mine and I did not have to lose myself for it. Isabella Swan could undergo her change but instead of becoming Isabella Cullen, the vegetarian and perpetual student, she could become Isabella Volturi – whoever she was, whoever she wanted to be.

My eyes lingered on Alec's for only a second longer trying to convey my gratitude for his silent support before finding Aro's surprised and anxious look. His hands were clasped together, fingers tapping each other in front of his small excited smile. His enthusiasm was infectious and I found my lips curling despite Edward's bewildered and angry gaze boring holes into the side of my skull.

"Yes." My answer came out in an excited rush and I watched as chaos exploded around me.

Alice's gasp was drowned out in Edward's roar of disapproval. "No," he shouted at Aro and before I could blink I was locked in his arms in a crushing embrace. I was sure to have bruises.

Edward's mask of calm was shattered and now his fury contorted his features into a wild and feral look. His eyes were coal black and glittering, his lips pulled up and teeth bared. "She is _my _mate. She is not staying here."

A growl erupted from my left and my frantic eyes left Aro who was no frowning and searched out the source of the growl and was surprised to see Alec looking calm but focused. To his left Jane was crouched down, her teeth bared, and venom trickling down the right side of her mouth. Her eyes were hard onyx as she let loose another angry snarl and Edward screamed.

Suddenly Alice was yelling for Edward and my I heard my ribs crack as Edward let loose a feral scream of torment. His arms becoming crushing as his knees gave out and he dropped to the ground taking me with him. A shriek of pain left my own lips but I could not hear it under Edward's tormented screams.

I knew this was Jane, that despite her previous animosity this was her trying to protect me from Edward's crushing grip. Even though she failed to realize how utterly breakable I am I couldn't help but feel a rush of emotion, that maybe, just maybe if I survived this I would like to know her, to become her friend.

"Aro –" I heard Alice's voice but it was drowned out by Edward's ragged gasps and my own painful cries.

Edward's body went slack a moment later and I froze, my eyes wide in panic and in pain as I looked up to see his serene face. His eyes were glassy, dazed even, as if he were not mentally here. All the pain that Jane had induced had been forgotten, his ragged gasps had receded and he was not breathing at all. Edward's entire body had gone immobile.


	2. Chapter 2

"Thank you Alec," Aro praised with a smile. I turned to Alec and watched him nod, still staring intently at Edward. "I do so hate it when such a happy turn of events is marred."

Without thought I tried to push Edward's arms away from me even though logically I knew that I wouldn't be able to. His arms surprisingly gave way to my weak human strength and I tried to move away but the sharp pains in my ribcage held me captive.

Aro flitted forward and I found myself cradled in his arms before he set me upright and on my feet. "Th-thank you," I stuttered as the pain of breathing wracked my body.

"Of course Bella, such behavior is distasteful. Edward should be ashamed." Aro glided back a few steps and nodded to two vampires that had been standing off to the side, Felix and Demetri I had heard Edward call them.

Both of them moved faster than I could track and had Edward on his knees, each with one of his arms in their grasp, and positioned him like a doll. His body gave no resistance and his glassy onyx eyes never showed that he was aware of what was happening.

"What –" I turned back to Aro in question, "What's wrong with him?"

Aro smiled exultantly and gave a little jump as his arm waved back and pointed to Alec, "Alec has the power of sensory deprivation." He chuckled a little before adding, "Edward can neither see nor feel or hear any of what is happening right now."

"Oh," I nodded, vaguely remembering hearing something like that from Carlisle.

"Alec if you would please, I think it is time for Edward to rejoin us." Alec nodded, his hair brushing across his eyes.

"Of course Master."

It took only a few seconds before the glassy look faded from Edward's eyes and was replaced by an angry but slightly relieved look. His eyes found mine and his expression turned pained, "Bella please – you don't know what you're doing. This isn't the way – I-I, we'll discuss your change when we go back to Forks. I'm sorry for leaving you – I will never leave you again."

For a moment, a brief moment the hole in my chest threatened to drown me, but I shook my head. Edward wouldn't control my life anymore. "I'm sorry Edward." Truly I was, I hated to see him pained but even if he couldn't see it yet, I knew we weren't good for each other.

"This is quite the unexpected twist," Aro chimed happily while his fingers tapped together.

"She can't," Edward shouted as he pulled against Felix and Demetri. I couldn't help but take a step back which earned a smirk from Felix.

"You can't be serious," Caius demanded of Aro after a few moments of tense silence, though his voice was no more than a whisper, flat and contemptuous at the same time.

I felt my heart plummet into the ground; it hadn't occurred to me that Aro's offer was not official, that saying yes did not guarantee my future within the Volturi. Panic rose in my throat like bile as I forced myself not to glance at Edward. If I was not accepted into the Volturi I would never become immortal. I had damaged my relationship with Edward and Alice irreparably with my acceptance. Even if we all walked out of here and went back to Forks, Edward and Alice would never look at me the same way again. In turn the rest of Cullens wouldn't either. I had been willing to join the very vampires they despised.

I felt like I wanted to puke.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro chided him affectionately. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

And just like that my hope returned. My heart sent soaring into the sky at being compared to two such cherished and powerful members of the guard. To my left I heard Jane huff at the comparison but it did nothing to damper my excitement.

Caius looked away with a caustic expression.

Edward fumed beside me. I could hear the rumble in his chest, building toward a growl. "Edward," I looked at him, pleading silently with him to stop. "I know this is hard, but it is my decision."

"You are my mate, you can't – you can't join_ them._" He was furious with me and my earlier realizations began eating away at my new found confidence and sending me sprawling back into self-doubt.

"Edward," Aro sighed with a forlorn look, "you disappoint me. As Carlisle's oldest I expected you to be more respectful of free will, more decorous at the very least."

"I…will…not...leave…her…here." Edward ground out, his teeth clenched and bared.

"Ah!" Aro exclaimed brightly. "That is not your choice. I have offered _Bella _a choice just as I have offered yourself and the lovely Alice, both of you are free to decline just as Bella is free to accept."

"Aro," Alice stepped in seeing Edward get nowhere. While I was fine watching Edward plead, hopeful that my trust in Aro was not misplaced, I was suddenly very nervous. Edward's mind was clouded at the moment but Alice's was not. "Edward is not at his full capacity right now, I am sure you could understand how traumatic the last few days have been.

"What I am sure Edward would like to say is that Bella desperately wishes to become a vampire but she is not aware of what joining such a prestigious coven is like, she could not hope to understand the stresses you deal with or the difficult decisions you make." With each word my elation deflated and I could do nothing but watch, my stomach churning in horror.

My eyes flew from Alice's face and I pushed aside the animosity building inside me to search Aro's face, wishing desperately that his gift worked on me so that he could see how much I wanted this. I could handle anything. I wanted to beg for him to give me a chance, for someone to look at me and see my worth.

Aro was studying Alice, his eyebrows drawn together creating a crease between them. My mouth opened, I had to say something, anything – but before I could Alec stepped forward and Aro's attention moved from Alice to Alec.

"Master," Alec stepped forward again with his hand out, never looking at me or showing any emotion.

_'__Please, please, please,'_ I thought desperately, unable to stomach what would happen if Aro decided Alice was right.

Aro took Alec's hand and his eyes slipped closed.

"No!" Edward roared beside me, shocking me and making me jump. My ribs ached tremendously and I wanted nothing more than to lie down. I was foolish, I realized, to try and escape the Cullens. I should have known Aro's offer was too good to be true. I should have played the good little human and took my chances with Edward. I could have held out with the hope that he would change me, now there would be none. The Volturi would reject me and the Cullens would scorn me, I was finished. No vampire alive would touch me now.

"Ah!" Aro exclaimed as he let go of Alec's hand. Alec immediately resumed his place next to Jane, his eyes searching mine. I wasn't sure what I saw, was it my brain tricking me into seeing reassurance in his crimson eyes or was it truly there?

"Alec has brought up an excellent point," Aro ignored Edward's outburst and focused on Alice. "Bella has shown remarkable acceptance of our presence, even preferring our coven to yours. Such is how all our guard members came to be. We neither knew if they had the courage nor the tenacity to maintain their ranks, yet we gave each of them a chance.

"Bella is highly gifted even as a mortal and there is no doubt that she would make a powerful immortal. She will be given immortality and a rank, what she does with it…well that is up to her." Aro's words pierced through Alice and I watched her deflate a little as my soul soared.

The warning in his words did not elude me but neither did they deter me.

"And if she decides to follow Carlisle's _unnatural_ diet?" Caius asked with a quiet fury in his voice.

Aro turned to me, his eyes searching mine and I prayed to any deity or higher power that would listen that Aro would see past my fragile human body and see my resilience, my acceptance, or at the very least my trust in him. "Well, that would be unfortunate." He turned to Alice and left me to my painful breathing. I looked to Caius wondering if his disdain for me stemmed from the vegetarian lifestyle or if I had somehow offended him. I had never actually given dietary options much thought, being a Cullen meant abstaining from humans, there was no choice. Now I realized that being a Volturi normally meant a traditional diet.

I looked away from the blonde leader and looked to Alec; his crimson gaze stared back at me, questioning me silently. What would I do? Was I like Alice had said, too gentle for the Volturi? There was no judgement in his gaze, no condemnation…he was not forcing me one way or the other. He watched and he waited for me to decide.

I don't remember anyone ever waiting for me to decide my own life. It was infinitely more precious than anything anyone had ever done for me.

"However that is a matter for after Bella's change. We cannot condemn her for choices she _could _make. If that were so then we would all be persecuted for something we could do." Aro spun and faced me, his smile back in place. "For now Bella has decided to accept her offer to join the Volturi."

"Bella- Please –" I tore my gaze away from Aro and looked to Edward. He flinched back as if I had physically struck him and I realized I was smiling. Despite the unbearable pain in my ribs, surely one or two were cracked; I was smiling like a loon. I was happy. I couldn't remember the last time I was happy.

"I'm sorry Edward, but you and I both know you would never change me." My voice faltered for a moment, that sentence wasn't right…this wasn't only about being changed…or it was but now new factors had come to light… "I just-" I sighed in frustration, trying to form words that could convey how I felt. "I – I wanted for so long to become like you, but I didn't realize that the cost was who I am. I changed everything about me to be with you and I –" My eyes left Edward's pained ones and I looked to Aro for a moment.

"Aro's offered me a chance to become a vampire without the cost of losing myself, he's actually willing to let me find myself even though there's a chance I could be…unusual."

Aro's eyes sparkled as he smiled and I felt my face heat up with a blush as I turned back to Edward. "I'm grateful to you in so many ways Edward," If Edward could cry he would have been, his eyes were full of venom that would never fall. "You showed me a new world and you were my first love, but – but I think our time together is over."

I sucked in a deep breath, feeling the pain in my ribcage as I willed myself not to cry. Edward's face was full of anguish and even though I meant what I had said, I didn't realize it would be so painful to say it.

"I'll always love you," Edward looked at me with so much devotion that I had to turn away.

I looked around, finding the crimson pair that had helped me so much already. "No, you won't. You will find your mate eventually."


	3. Chapter 3

The silence was deafening. I continued to stare at Alec, his gaze boring into mine in unspoken support until the corners of his lips quirked up and my face flushed. I turned around, looking at Aro first who appeared to be elated, then at Edward whose gaze was directed at the marble flooring. I followed his gaze and absently wondered why there was a drain in the middle of the room…until it hit me that the room we were in was probably their dining room. I shuddered for a moment, taking the time to thank my lucky stars that out of death or immortality, I was probably being granted the later.

I pulled my gaze away from the drain when Alice broke the silence. "Well," her black eyes were on Edward before they landed on me, her whole expression shifting angrily. "I think it is time Edward and I get back to Carlisle."

Absently I wondered if they would be allowed to leave, they had after all broken the law. They had left me alive. I looked at Aro, wondering what he would do. Even though I was more than a little angry at Alice I didn't want to see them harmed, after all we had been through I just wanted today to be over. I wanted a large pain pill and a soft bed.

Aro looked contemplative but it was Caius who spoke. "You not only told a human of our existence you then proceeded to leave her, with the intention of never returning to her or killing her." His paper thin voice was dripping in fury as he pointed one skeletal finger towards Edward. "All of you," Caius continued to rant, "You put not only yourselves but every immortal in danger."

"Peace brother," Aro soothed Caius. Caius leant back against his throne looking more furious than ever before. "It is true, Carlisle and his coven have indeed broken the law. However, given the circumstances and the fact that no harm has come of it…perhaps for our long friendship with Carlisle we should be lenient."

Caius did not look like Carlisle's friendship mattered much at the moment. "And when they do it again?"

Aro looked at both Edward and Alice for a long moment, "_If_ they do it again, then I'm afraid they will receive full punishment under the law. All of them."

The thought of every Cullen being put to death instead of just Edward and Alice seemed to placate Caius, his angry features softened and his gaze became bored. For now it seemed, he was content to wait for the Cullens to slip up.

"Well," Aro exclaimed happily, "I think today has been a marvelous day. We saved one vampire from his demise, happily found a new member for our coven, and maintained our friendship with Carlisle." His hands clapped together as Edward's shoulders tensed.

"Alice you will give our regards to Carlisle?" Aro asked, his whole demeanor had shifted now that the Cullen trial was over. Before he had been happy but now there was a jovial bounce in his step.

"Of course Aro, I'm sure Carlisle will be happy to hear from you." Alice said nicely though her smile seemed forced. She stepped towards Edward, grabbing his left arm with tight grasp as Demetri stepped away. Felix looked at Alice for a long moment, seemingly assessing whether or not it was safe to let him go before nodding and releasing Edward.

Alice spun them around and was leading Edward out of the massive wooden double doors when his head turned around, his eyes landing on me. His eyes were mournful, his shoulders slumped but I kept my face passive despite the ache in my ribs and sorrow in my heart. I would not give him reason to turn around. _'I guess this is what breakups are meant to feel like.' _

I watched as he turned back around and the two of them walked into the hallway. I continued watching, reality slowly sinking in, until the massive doors closed with a loud bang that made my heart skip a beat. I slowly turned around, looking at each of the seven vampires around me, suddenly realizing I knew next to nothing about them…I barely knew all of their names.

I stuck my chin out and swallowed loudly, I had come this far to give into fear now.

"Remarkable," Aro whispered happily with a giant smile playing on his lips, "Even now, all on your own, you show tremendous courage."

My lips twitched at the awe in his gaze, "I – I think if you were going to have eaten me today would have been much shorter."

Aro chuckled and he wasn't the only one. Felix boomed in laughter while Jane's lips twitched. It was Alec who took my breath away, his small smile had been transformed into one that lit up his face and made my stomach flutter.

"Bella you are riveting," Aro's praise made me blush harder and I looked down trying to hide behind my mess of hair.

This only made him chuckle again before he spoke. "Why don't we reconvene in the library in an hour to discuss the particulars of your change?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I couldn't help but wonder why we had to wait while I was in so much pain but I didn't question it. Instead I asked a new question, "Can I go into the town please?"

Aro's looked at me without any of the anger I had been fearing and asked, "Why?"

I couldn't help but think I had genuinely confused him which made me laugh, only to bring the stinging pain of my ribcage back. "I – um – well I'm still fragile and I think Edward cracked some of my ribs. I'd like to get some pain medication."

Understanding dawned on Aro's face, "Why don't you relax in the library and I'll have someone get you medication? I don't imagine walking into town let alone standing is very comfortable."

"Um, are you sure? I could –"

Aro broke me off with a smile, "Of course Bella. Jane would you carry Bella into the library where she can rest?"

"Of course Master," Jane replied evenly, surprising me. I hadn't expected her to be too happy about carrying a human.

It was incredibly awkward as Jane lifted me bridal style, she was over a head shorter than me and I felt overly large pressed next to her small frame. When she had carried us out of the room and we had an illusion of privacy I looked at her, "I'm sorry, you don't have to carry me."

Jane looked at me as if I'd grown another head, "Would you prefer another to carry you? I can call Alec or Demetri."

I blushed furiously at the thought of Alec carrying me bridal style and shook my head, "No, no I just meant…I mean I don't mean to be a hassle."

Still Jane looked confused, "You are a strange human Isabella, why would you be a hassle? You are injured and do not heal as I do. When you are a newborn then you can call yourself a hassle."

A smile played on my lips as I marveled at this impossible girl. "Thank you," the words left my lips in a rush and I looked down from her inquiring gaze. "For earlier, when you tried to get Edward to release me. I know you don't like me much but – thanks."

Jane's laugh was like a wind chime and I closed my eyes, thinking of Phoenix and the front porch of my old house. All too soon we were arrived at the library and Jane pushed open the large door, revealing a massive cavernous room. The walls were lined in bookshelves from floor to ceiling. My eyes went wide and I sucked in a painful breath as I saw the shelves packed full of scrolls and books. In the back half of the room were two tall and wide circular bookcases, one on each side of the absolutely enormous floor to ceiling arched window on the back wall. The true masterpiece of the room however, was not in the books or the ornate window but the ceiling. I wished so badly for the powerful eyes of a vampire to properly take in the majesty of what I was seeing.

The entire ceiling was covered in the most horrifyingly beautiful mural I had ever seen. I tilted my head back, still in Jane's arms, staring wide eyed. My eyes focused on one man with curly brown hair, a bloody sword in one hand and Medusa's severed head in the other, her naked body lay at the man's feet. There was also a naked angelic boy with his teeth in the throat of a woman who looked to be in throes of ecstasy. Everywhere I looked I was assaulted with a new image, a new detail, a new horror story. I could have spent the rest of my life gazing at the ceiling in rapture and still never have comprehended it all.

"Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio," Jane whispered conspiratorially. "Aro met him in Sicily in 1605 and fell in love with his observation of the human state. Aro changed Merisi in 1610 after he had a death warrant signed for killing another human. After his change Merisi spent five years learning to control his new body and when he returned in 1615 he told Aro of his newfound interest of the immortal state and Aro commissioned him to 'do as he would' with the library."

I looked back at Jane, an almost impossible feat with the wonder above my head, "Caravaggio…he's a vampire?"

Jane giggled as she laid me down gently on one of the red velvet sofas. "Isn't it positively humorous? It's always risky turning someone well known but Aro simply couldn't bear to part with Merisi. They are quite fond of each other."

"Why did he go away for five years?" I asked as I laid my head back, wincing as my ribs ached until I got slightly more comfortable.

Jane looked at me as if I had just asked why the sky is blue. "Newborns aren't allowed in Volterra Isabella."

Once again my eyes were drawn from the ancient wonder above me and back to Jane, "What?"

Jane rolled her eyes and sat on the table covered in books, "Aside from the irreplaceable things alone, newborns aren't meant to be cooped up anywhere, no matter how big. They get very anxious when they know walls are surrounding them and they can't leave. It is best when they are exploring to fill their curiosity, when their meals are not regulated, and where they can expend their strength demolishing the earth instead of our home.

"Santiago was worst; he spent twenty years in Russia, Mongolia, and China before he felt ready to come back to Volterra."

I stared at Jane with my mouth open as she kicked her legs back in forth. "So I'll – I'll have to leave too?"

I couldn't keep the apprehension off my face. It was sad to know that I could possibly spend decades away from the castle before I was welcome back. What would I do for that long by myself?

"Of course you will, you and your sire will leave and when both of you deem you ready you will return. It's how every guard member who was changed did it. Demetri and Corin had passed their newborn years before they joined the guard."

I pondered this new information quietly. Jane did make sense, newborns getting used to immortality did seem like a liability to the castle and the town. It also made sense that they would want to explore the world with their new senses, I was pretty sure I would as well. But the idea of my sire being the only company I keep for years, possibly a decade or two, was disconcerting. Who would my sire be? What if I hated them?

"Jane," I asked quietly as she flipped through a book, "Who will my sire be?"

She continued to flip through the book as she answered, "Aro decides. Sometimes, like with Alec and I, he changes them himself. Once in a while Caius does, but that hasn't happened in a few centuries. Any of elite guard are allowed to put forth their wish to Aro when the time comes. The lower guard, the untalented or not usefully talented ones don't stay in the castle and don't have that privilege."

Aro hadn't let me down earlier when he had been debating with Edward and Alice but could I trust him to pick out my sire, my sole companion for the unforeseeable future? Did I have say in the decision? I was going to ask but Jane's head snapped up and looked to the door.

"Brother," Jane leapt up off the table gracefully and kissed Alec on both his cheeks as she had earlier.

Alec embraced her quickly before turning to me. "Bella, Gianna asks if you are allergic to any medication."

"Oh, no I'm not." Alec nodded and handed me two tablets that he pulled from his pocket.

"She says that this is called Hydrocodone. If this helps she has more to make you comfortable until your change." I cocked my head to the side wondering if he remembered some kind of liquid to take them with. But Alec only stood there, as still as Jane watching me.

I sighed and waited for my mouth to fill with saliva before popping both of the tablets in my mouth. I got them down, it wasn't the most pleasant way to take them but at this point I was just happy to have them. "Thanks Alec, will you tell Gianna thank you as well?"

"Of course."

I nodded and laid back on the couch waiting for the painkillers to kick in. Jane pulled Alec into a quiet conversation by the table but I couldn't quite make out anything other than a quiet hum. After a few minutes of trying to eavesdrop my eyelids grew heavy and I dropped into light sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bella."

I stirred from the comforting darkness, burrowing my way into the soft fabric of the couch and fought to keep my consciousness from becoming too aware.

"Bella." Unfortunately the tinkling voice in my ear had other plans.

"Mmm, go away Alice." I turned over and smiled lightly as I burrowed into the pillow.

"Bella if you don't wake up I'll snap your neck." That horrid threat was whispered so innocently that my eyes snapped open in shock. Jane was bent over me, her face only inches from mine. I flinched back pushing myself into the couch. For a moment I was filled with terror. I knew who she was and how awful she could be yet I had forgotten why it was she was anywhere near me. It took a few seconds for my mind to catch up with where I was and why.

Volterra almost seemed like a dream. The bout of courage I had felt when I accepted Aro's offer seemed like something I would only ever have while I was asleep. Part of me couldn't believe it really happened.

"Jane that is not how you wake up somebody." I grumbled as I struggled to sit myself upright on the sofa. To my horror I had drooled during my nap and I had spit dried to the corner of my mouth. I ducked my head quickly and tried furiously to wipe away the mess.

Neither my annoyed tone nor my spit seemed to perturb Jane in the slightest. "Aro is ready to decide who's going to change you, then you and your sire will leave." I felt my heart stutter before working pounding furiously.

As groggy and out of focus as I was, I wanted to know who it would be desperately. So I pulled myself up and attempted to smooth my hair. When I felt a little less disgusting Jane left and I tried in vain to smooth the wrinkles in my shirt. Not even a full minute later Aro, Marcus, and Caius glided in. Marcus took his place by the bookshelves leaning back against it before going completely immobile. I couldn't help but wonder why he was so out of touch with those around him, why he seemed so eternally sad.

Caius sat on the couch I had just been sleeping on. He crossed his legs gingerly and proceeded to ignore me and everyone else. I guessed that he would not be volunteering to be my sire. Though I was curious about whom he had sired and I wondered if Jane would tell me if I asked.

Aro, in stark contrast of his brothers, looked positively thrilled. He took to the head of the table Jane had been sitting on and watched as members of the guard came in and gathered around. Demetri and Felix were first to arrive followed by a woman I had never seen before. Although she was as short as Jane, her body was that of a woman. She had an hourglass figure women would kill for with curly light brown hair and high cheekbones.

Beside her was, I assumed by the way they held hands, was her mate. He was a little taller than Chelsea with quite plain features for a vampire and black hair. Behind them was Alec and Jane and I watched as they both stood by Aro. Alec's gaze found mine and I marveled at his angelic beauty in a way that I hadn't been able to in the throne room, when my immortality had been at stake.

Alec watched me from underneath the fringe of his hair that fell around his almond shaped eyes and the tips of his ears. My gaze travelled to his high cheek bones and down his straight nose to his thin lips that curled into a small smile. I could feel my face flushing but I couldn't drag my eyes away from him, they continued to travel down his lithe frame. Alec was slender, his height matched my own and I couldn't help but try and guess his physical age. He looked no older than I did, yet I wondered if maybe he wasn't a year or two younger.

I pulled my eyes back up as two more vampires entered the room, briefly noting one bronze skinned vampire with dreads that made me tense up, thinking of Laurent. _'He's dead…he's dead…' _I tried to tell myself to calm down but instead my heart raced faster and my face paled as my eyes followed this vampire who looked so much like Laurent. _'Victoria isn't though…'_ My mind taunted me.

_'__Victoria…Victoria…Victoria…she's coming for me…mate for mate…flesh for flesh.' _

By now I could literally feel the attention of the vampire I was staring at, his gaze bored into mine as if I were offensive. I probably was being offensive. I pulled my eyes away and stepped to the right, closer Alec and Jane.

I had forgotten about the vengeful vampire named Victoria. But as Aro called attention to the room a feeling of relief came over me. I was in Volterra. There was no need to panic because Laurent was dead and Victoria couldn't touch me here. She didn't even know where I was. I was safe. I let out a sigh of relief as the vampires finished entering and Aro spoke.

"Volunteers please." Aro smiled giddily and held out his hand. I waited with baited breath for someone to step forward, scared to death that none would.

My fears were eased as a raven haired girl no taller than Jane stepped forward. She reminded me of a china doll, her hair in perfect ringlets and her frilly pink dress. I watched as she brushed her hair over one shoulder and reached out with her right hand, laying her palm flat into Aro's open one. After a few seconds Aro's eyes opened and he smiled, "Renata how fitting. I too agree."

The girl, Renata, stepped back with a smile and looked at me before resuming her place. I couldn't help but wonder why it was fitting that she should put forward her name but my mouth was so dry that I didn't think I could speak so I continued watching. Demetri stepped forward next, placing his open palm on Aro's as Renata had.

"Thank you Demetri." Demetri nodded and stepped back giving me a sly smile and a wink before our attentions were drawn to the bronze vampire that had frightened me earlier.

He didn't move with the grace Alec did nor did he have that confident stride that Demetri possessed. Instead, comparatively speaking, his moves were choppy as if the sheer power he possessed exuded from every movement.

"Ah I don't think so Santiago." Aro said, frowning as he looked from Santiago to me. I wondered if my earlier reaction to his similarities with Laurent had caused Aro to say no.

Santiago didn't seem bothered and he too returned to his original spot. I looked around, trying not to breathe too loudly in a room where my slightest bodily function was heard. My eyes swept over the numerous vampires, briefly locking with the small woman with light brown hair before moving on to Jane who immediately dropped her eyes. It was a shame; it would have been interesting with Jane as a sire. My gaze roamed to her right to Alec and my eyes widened when he flashed me a smirk and stepped forward.

"Are you sure?" Aro's surprise was evident but he did not stop Alec from placing his hand on in his.

"Thank you Alec," Aro smiled brightly as Alec drew his hand back. I watched, looking for any clue as to what Aro had seen in Alec's mind but I picked up nothing. Alec returned to his spot pointedly ignoring Jane's inquiring look and flashing me a small smile that made my stomach do flip flops.

I knew something was wrong when Alec's eyes left mine and his jaw dropped slightly. I looked over, my eyes widening as I watched Marcus walk forward and place his hand in Aro's, who seemed just as shocked as the rest of the room. From beside me Caius hissed loudly.

"Brother," Aro asked, seemingly dazed. But Marcus said nothing he only brushed his fingers over Aro's palm quickly. Aro's confusion faded and understanding dawned on his face. "Oh, I see." Marcus was already back in his original spot, his focus for this meeting entirely gone. My attention traveled back to Aro and I found him frowning, looking deep in thought.

"Renata as fitting as it would be I do believe we would benefit more from your continued stay here in the castle. I think the safest choice – she might just eat you Demetri – would be Alec." My pulse raced and a smile curled my lips as my eyes looked to Alec. He too looked pleased if not a little surprised. Aro seemed content, his small smile and jittery fingers would have made me laugh if I wasn't wrought with nerves.

One by one the vampires filed out of the room, Caius hot on Marcus' tail. I turned from Aro to Alec. He was smiling now that everyone else had left, like he had in the throne room, it lit up his face and I felt my knees go weak. I was going to spend my foreseeable future with Alec. Alone.

I don't know which I wanted more, to bare my neck and cheer or to run and hide. Both had their merits, though the latter probably would have been felt no matter who had been chosen. There was something frightening about looking into the eyes of the person chosen to kill you.

Aro immediately turned to Alec his smile disappearing. But the way he looked at Alec, I recognized it. It was how Carlisle had looked at Edward. I got the impression this was very monumental moment for Aro and I couldn't stop the small smile forming on my own lips as I watched him grasp Alec's shoulder. _"Du hast noch nie gescheitert mich stolz zu machen."* _

I didn't understand what was said, if I had to guess I'd have bet that Aro spoke in Dutch or German but I couldn't be positive. Aro dropped his hand and turned to me, his exuberance coming back with a vengeance. "Bella, dear Bella. We all eagerly await your return." Aro winked at me before gliding past and to the door.

"Wait," I called as he opened the door to leave. Aro paused and turned to me. I couldn't stop my hands from fidgeting or find the courage to look up from the floor as I made my way to him. "I-I um, wanted to say thank you." My words went out in a rush and I felt my cheeks heat but I wanted Aro to know how much it meant to me that he fought for me. I almost wished I could let him read my thoughts so he could see the sincerity behind my shyness.

Aro's fingers gripped my chin lightly and he pulled my face up to meet his gaze. For a long moment he just stared at me like Edward used to when he was trying to figure out what was going on inside my mind. Then he said, "It was purely selfish my dear, I assure you."

I was going to refute him, to try to form the hopelessness I had felt for months into words but before I could Aro spoke again. "I understand. Edward's mind was only too clear about your struggle while they were with you and Alice gave me a taste of what it was like when they were not."

My mouth opened and shut several times in surprise before I could get my voice to work properly. "Thank you," I whispered and I moved to wrap my arms around his waist.

Aro must have been surprised because it took him several seconds to respond. "Bella," he said sternly as he pulled me away from him by my shoulders, "you will face many challenges in the time you spend away from Volterra, but it is my supreme desire that you use these trials to find yourself outside of Cullen influence. Whether it is good or bad, muster up the courage you showed me today and embrace every aspect of yourself. Have the courage to decide your own life."

Aro looked at me seriously and I struggled to ingrain this memory in my mind. It was the first time anyone had said anything like that to me and I never wanted to forget it. When I nodded Aro smiled and then he was gone.

I turned to Alec, my fears abated and excitement thundering through my veins. "What now?" I asked, unsure of what came next but eager to start.

Alec held out his hand, "Come here." His smile, his voice, the offer of his touch was too much and my heart thundered in my chest as I grasped his hand. A shiver rolled up my arm and down my spine pleasantly, like the kind I got when I bit into rich chocolate or stepped into a warm bubble bath. The tips of my fingers didn't stop tingling as Alec led me farther into the library and to one of the round bookcases with books on all sides. Now though I could see what I had missed before, the bottom four feet or so were drawers. Alec pulled one of the drawers out and revealed a very large world map.

"Pick somewhere," he told me, his crimson eyes sparkling. "Pick anywhere you'd like to go, that will be our first destination."

My heart continued to hammer in my chest as I felt my excitement build. I looked down wondering how on earth I could possibly choose one place when I had the world at my fingertips. It was unfathomable. So I closed my eyes and held my breath as I pointed my finger blindly. Alec laughed and I opened my eyes, "Libya? Out of anywhere in the world you want to explore Africa?"

It sounded so strange to my ears, the thought of exploring Africa, but I did want it. I wanted it badly. "Can we? Please?" My hopefulness was obvious to my own ears.

"Of course," Alec replied, his smile fading only a tad. "We could charter a plane down into Sassari and from there grab another into Lybia. Or…" He looked at me curiously for a moment as his head tilted to the side, "I could bite you now and run you down through Spain and Morocco." A devilish smirk played on his lips and my heart faltered in surprise.

"Y-you're not hungry?" Alec laughed, and for a moment I was lost in the percussion.

"I had dinner before you arrived."

Silence loomed as I took in my options. Spend a few days flying waiting in anticipation or face it head on now. I knew what I wanted and that did not include flying, but at the same time I could not possibly help but be incredibly nervous. I had wanted for so long to become a vampire and now it was happening. My stomach was clenching in knots.

My choice must have been clear because Alec's bright smile faded, his sparkling eyes losing their mirth. Slowly his gaze became predatory and his graceful movements became fluid and entrancing as he stalked me. I watched him, my feet backing me into the bookcase without my permission. My breathing became heavy as I watched Alec move slowly, his gaze never leaving mine. One arm encircled around my waist pulling my hips flush against his and I was unable to stop the moan that escaped as I felt his erection. His other arm came up and his fingers wrapped around my tresses and used them for leverage to bare my neck.

I could feel Alec's nose run from my shoulder to behind my ear as he inhaled. I couldn't stop myself, my hips ground against his of their own accord and when he placed an open mouth kiss on my jugular vein I couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped my lips.

"Tell me no," he whispered in my ear, giving me the choice.

I didn't hesitate. "Do it," My whispered permission had just tumbled off my lips when Alec sunk his teeth into my neck.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is a pretty gory chapter. You might - probably will be a bit offended. Just another warning.**

It's the easiest thing in the world to want to die; the hardest thing is to live. I thought I learned that lesson months ago. I was wrong. In the face of unholy hellfire slowly coursing through my body, slowly discovering every nerve and every cell, I became oblivious to the world around me and prayed for nothing more than my heart to give out and end my suffering.

I felt the burning in my clenched fists, in my feet, and in the hollows of my eyelids. It seared through my skull, through my spine, and down through my ribs.* No part of me was left untouched by the fire. There was nothing I could do but drown in blaze and wait for it to consume me.

For hours, for days, maybe weeks or seconds, I had no concept of time. I had only the scorching fire and my pleas for mercy. My body and soul were cremated until there was nothing left of me but the fire. Then, like a damn suddenly bursting in my mind, I was able to form rational thought. It bewildered me.

I tried to think, to remember who I was or why I had been damned into the lowest ring of hell. Who was I? I tried to remember, tried to call the name from the recesses of my mind. _Isabella._ That's right, my name was Isabella. Finding my name, thinking around the fire that continued to reduce my body to ash, it distracted me. I needed more distractions.

Why, or how rather, had I been flung into hellfire? Had I been so terrible? Pictures, dim and blurry pictures sprung forward and I was bombarded with imagery. Faces bombarded me, names attacked me; for thirteen thousand, three hundred, and forty heart beats I sifted through the barrage of images putting names to faces.

Some names were clearer and easier to put with faces; these were names like Renee, Charlie, Marie, Aro, and Alec. These people I remembered the best, though still tenuously. I had backstories for these people, emotions that filtered through past the agony my body was in. Other names were foggy, I could place them with faces but there were no diluted emotions that came along, no stories behind them. I could place Jacob Black but not tell you why I knew his russet skin better than his name. I could point out the face of a girl named Jessica and tell you her mouth was too big for her head, only that wasn't true because she really was pretty.

In contrast, others came to me diluted and distorted, but otherwise salvageable. I could pick out Alice, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Jasper; I knew that there was anger towards these people, hurt as well. I knew that I had once loved them and spent all my time with them. But if you asked me some of the things we did together, I could not tell you. Also bunched in with this group were the ones like Caius, Marcus, Angela, Billy, and Jane.

There were a few left over faces I couldn't put names to and names that had no faces. However, going through the people led me back the fire that scorched my bones. So many of these faces that I had put name to had something else to tell me, but it was Aro who brought me back to the throne room…to the chance I had been so desperate for and of course to Alec. Alec was the one who finally sunk his teeth into my flesh, my strength when I would have otherwise crumbled, my companion and my sire.

And this hellfire wasn't punishment for what I had done but what I _would _do.

When my heart beat its fourteenth thousand beat I worked on recalling memories, good or bad I wanted as many as I could salvage. I could almost feel them slipping away and I wanted nothing more than to scoop them up and lock them in place in my brain. My memories were sadly lacking, dull and scarce. There was a trip to a theme park with Charlie, my sixteenth birthday with Renee, memories like these came but held little emotional value to me. The only memory to really provoke a reaction was when I confronted Edward about being a vampire.

I continued like this for twenty thousand more heartbeats, pouring over my incredibly dull human life, before my ears popped and I was bombarded with sound. Wind was whirling past at an alarming rate, I could hear waves of the ocean off in the distance, birds and insects, but most of all I could hear my cries of agony and they threatened to destroy my eardrums. It took every ounce of will power I possessed to snap my jaw shut but the truly hard part was quieting the muffled groans and cries that tried to come out anyway.

And then a masculine laughter beat through me with the force of a wrecking ball, "Finally aware of your surroundings Isabella?" I both knew and didn't know this voice. I recognized it but at the same time I had never truly heard it, never had been able to appreciate it. It was lovely, angelic even.

"You are just past your second day of the change; you have been burning for fifty two hours." I knew right then that I would love Alec for the rest of my days. He had kept track when I was unable, he had given me a timeline for these cursed flames.

"We've just passed the Libyan border from Algeria, I'm going to start scouting out a meal for you." His voice was a soothing balm to my scorched soul and I wanted nothing more than for him to keep talking, to give me the ultimate distraction from the fire. I didn't care if he recited the dictionary in Russian, backwards. As long as he didn't stop.

But Alec didn't continue and I was left to the sounds of animals scurrying about and wind whirling around; I was left with the fire raging inside of me.

It was thirty thousand beats of my heart later when the rushing wind came to a stop. Alec had slowed his speed considerably for two thousand heartbeats before the roaring of the wind came back. I wanted desperately to know what had made him stop but there was no talking for me. I knew that if I unclenched my jaw I would unleash the unholy scream trapped inside of me and never stop. For what seemed like ages Alec maneuvered around at top speed until once again he came to a stop. I thought that maybe this would be like the last time, where he would take off again. He did, but only for five hundred and twenty eight heartbeats. "This is perfect Isabella."

I wanted so desperately to be able to curl my body into his as he purred my name.

I marveled at how much the quiet between us had to offer. I could hear the breeze rustle his hair, the voices of people speaking a language I had never heard, a stream in the distance, a large cat prowling, but most of all I heard each and every individual juicy rhythm that matched the accelerated sound in my chest.

Waiting was agony. Sixty hours into my change Alec began singing and I knew immediately that this was something from his past, his human life. The words he spoke sounded like an Old English poem that I had heard once or twice before in Phoenix from a professor Renee had dated for a few weeks. He was one of the few I ever sort of liked.

Alec continued with old songs I doubted anyone knew had ever existed, some in the Old English and some that sounded more guttural, Germanic maybe? It was lovely all the same and I listened for hours, losing myself in time and pushing away the beating hearts. I filed away a reminder to ask him when and where he lived as a human.

Throughout the change I had developed the ability to think around the pain, I regained my sense of hearing and marveled at how strong it was and how much it could tell me, but never once had the hellfire scorching every atom of my body changed. It was constant and fierce and all consuming. It was twenty three minutes after my sixty fifth hour that the burning changed. The fire retreated from my toes. My mind proceeded to do cartwheels in ecstasy.

My jovial mood continued as part of my brain kept track of Alec's singing and the other kept an obsessive record of the receding flames. My joy was fleeting though; by the time my seventieth hour of burning came I was ready to tear my hair out in frustration. If I could have moved I would have been thrashing but somewhere along the way my body had locked up of its own accord. The fire had receded all the way to my knees and from my hands up almost to my elbow, but as the fire retreated it grew impossibly hotter in my chest and the heartbeats grew louder.

They taunted me mercilessly; wet and loud, strong and steady – they were my war drums. All slightly more elevated than they had been previously as if they could sense me, sense my awakening. They beat relentlessly, their rhythm reverberating through my body until I could no longer hear Alec or the wildlife or the stream two miles away. They beat so loud that I lost focus on the burn that steadily retreated into my torso, growing hotter with each millimeter the fire retreated.

My seventy second hour came and I spent most of it in bloodthirsty eagerness. The war drums kept growing ferociously louder and faster, driving me into a frenzy until I was reduced nothing short of feral as the fire receded from my bellybutton and ribcage.

Finally my body was fire free; my heart had soaked up every last flame and was beating faster than a hummingbird's wings as the fire scalded me. I felt my torso arch towards the sky as if pulled by a string. I waited in feral agony as my heart continued to speed up and the fire continued to rage hotter than ever before, until my heartbeats were hardly distinguishable. For five minutes I mentally raged and screamed and rattled the bars of my sanity until they snapped and my heart stuttered. I listened as it gave one final beat before dying in my chest, taking the scorching flames straight back to hell.

For one second I marveled at the lack of pain in my body. There were no aches, pains, cramps, and definitely no fire. I was mystified by it. I had risen from the hellfire and been scorched clean of every physical imperfection.

"Isabella," Alec whispered reverently and my eyes opened automatically, searching for his. My new brain amazed me; while one large part was focused entirely on the war drums reverberating my skull another part was taking log of my surroundings. I was in awe of every speck of dirt in the air and every color I had thought I had known…all of this was happening as I looked at Alec and nearly cried.

"Alec – " My voice caught in my throat, was that my voice? I wanted to stare into his eyes, to get lost in the swirling crimson or perhaps take him in my arms. But I had inhaled and the moment I did rationality was lost. A ferocious burn erupted in my throat and the part of my brain tracking the war drums took over completely.

I was whipping over the terrain so fast my feet barely touched the ground and even my new brain had trouble processing it. I must have looked absolutely feral because as soon as a woman spotted me she screamed. I had her locked in my arms not a second later, my teeth in her neck and my eyes rolled back into my head as the greatest thing I had ever tasted filled my mouth. All too soon, not even a minute later, she ran dry and I was barreling through the nearest hut to find three more heartbeats, my hunger nowhere near sated. My mouth latched on to the little boy and I did not pause in my feeding until Alec appeared at my side.

I locked eyes with him, silently challenging him to interfere with my kill, my limbs tensed and coiled, ready to defend my food. He didn't, instead Alec grabbed the screaming woman and sunk his teeth into her neck. My body instantly relaxed, the animosity vanished and I returned to my kill. Or lack thereof. I drained the little girl next who provided even less than the boy. I decided short ones were not worth my time. I would snap their neck and move on to bigger bodies with more substance.

We were out of the hut and flying to the next, Alec moving gracefully beside me. His onyx eyes were constantly roaming from me to our kills and back to me. I watched him, as I sank my teeth into a man and as he grabbed one of his own. But when I dropped the empty body and moved on to the next I realized that Alec refrained and simply watched me.

I didn't understand how could he not be thirsty? How was his burn sated already? I could only marvel for so long before the beating fists against my stony flesh pulled my attention. I almost giggled at how it felt, as if he was caressing me like a lover.

One by one I hunted them down, and one by one they fell to my embrace. The screams around me only fueled my desire as the war drums continued to grow louder and faster. It was like pumping straight adrenaline into my body and I was euphoric. When no more were left in the village I turned to Alec, my hunger no longer so fierce but also not sated. I did not _need _more but I _wanted_ it.

"And now we hunt my dear," with that Alec took off over the flat terrain where the lucky few had run. I followed after Alec, listening to the war drums and to the screams. If my meal in the village was good, the stragglers were an exquisite desert. Chasing them down and hunting them was nothing short of pleasure. I pushed my legs faster, using every ounce of strength I had. When my prey was no more than fifty feet I leapt into the air and pounced on her. I tackled her to the ground, hearing her bones snap. I latched onto her neck. Only something was different this time. Halfway through I removed my teeth from her neck and dropped her body. I felt my lips pull into a pout, frustrated that I didn't know what was wrong but that I could not continue with this meal.

Alec dropped his kill about a hundred feet away and was at my side instantaneously. "What's wrong Isabella?"

I growled out in frustration and slammed my fist in the woman's broken body. "I don't know," I cried out in frustration. "She wasn't like the others there was something wrong." My voice was like bells in the wind, beautiful and musical but I was too upset to pay it any mind.

Alec laughed and I felt as though he'd slapped me. I reared back and Alec stopped laughing. "You broke her neck," he told me, "her heart had stopped before you fed. That is what was different. Try to be gentler so that you preserve her heart."

"Oh," I replied thinking of how I had jumped on the woman. "So, no jumping then?"

"Perhaps you should wait to attack your prey from the sky until you learn how not to snap their bones." Alec's tone was humorous and I felt my smile coming back.

"How many escaped us?"

"Listen and tell me." I closed my eyes and listened I could hear two north of us, one was shouting frantically. There was another to the east, moving more stealthily. "I want the pair, please Alec?" I had watched him drink and his hunger seemed so much tamer than mine. I didn't think just one more would sate me.

"Of course, I'll race you back." His eyes held a challenge and I took off like a bullet across the ground. The urge to win filled me up so completely that I wasted not a moment lunging for the man and draining him. The woman had been the screamer and I locked her beating arms in mine and sunk my teeth in her as I raced my back. I could feel Alec's vibrations in the ground; I knew exactly where he was even without looking up. I was exultant that I made it back a whole two seconds before he did. I took one last long pull before dropping the body.

"I win!" I cried happily, filled with a very childish sort of glee.

"You took yours to-go." Alec stated with his arms crossed over his chest. While his voice was laced with annoyance his eyes sparkled with mirth.

"You never said I couldn't," I laughed and dodged as he sprung towards me. I was off like a shot, my peals of laughter trailing behind me as I ran. Alec caught me easily, I wasn't running my fastest and while Alec was fast he could not match me when I put all my strength into my stride. His arms encircled my torso and then he lunged sending us sprawling to the ground. We rolled, each trying to dominate the other and my giggles drifted in the wind.

We sparred and played until the sun dipped low in the sky creating the most awe inspiring sunset I had ever seen. The colors were each striking yet they blended together seamlessly. I was lost in beauty, both of the sky and my skin. The late evening rays were bouncing pretty rainbows off my new immortal body. I looked down as I felt a warm hand grab mine; my gaze followed the bare arm up a slender body to an angelic face. My breath caught as I looked at Alec and the sun reflecting off his skin.

We stayed like that, hand in hand and going back and forth between watching the sky and watching each other, until the sun sank beneath the horizon and the sky turned navy blue. My mind was blown all over again. I could see _everything._

Hundreds of thousands of stars, I watched in fascinated glee as they shone or shot across the sky. I let myself fall backwards and the earth embraced me like a pillow top mattress. For hours we watched the stars. I pointed out the few constellations I knew, like the Dippers, and Alec took over when my knowledge ran out. He showed me Aquarius, Cancer, Cassiopeia, Cygnus, and Sirius. All of his favorites, before he showed me Pegasus, Orion, and Lyra. I was awed, first by the sheer amount of stars and then by the constellations and how they overlapped or shared stars.

It made me think of the library in Volterra and for a brief moment, my silent heart panged to go back.

I had enjoyed cleaning as a mortal, it was soothing and time consuming. Now I hated it, it was such a hassle when I my new mind was utterly occupied with watching a shirtless Alec stack our kills in the moonlight. I wasn't much help; I was rendered dumbstruck as soon as the tattered shirt had come off. Alec was lithe and slender and I wanted to lick his chest. Gods how I wanted to watch as crimson dripped its way down his chest and lick it off.

I continued watching with heavy lidded eyes as Alec set fire to the bodies and then to each of the huts. Finally he deemed it clean and my impatient mind was already reeling with things I wanted to experience. I wanted to run, to set myself free while mortal eyes could not catch me. Alec found my impatience amusing and he made no effort to hold me back. Instead he followed beside me, joining in when I began to leap back and forth across the river, sailing through the air in delight.

I explored until high sun with Alec as my constant companion. When I had a question he was there to answer it, when I wanted to scale the small mountain ranges he watched me quietly as I figured out that natural ridges were a waste of time, and when I wanted to run like a wildling with the cheetahs he laughed and played with elephants.

When the sun reached its peak my thirst went from barely an itch to absolutely crippling almost before I could register. My immediate reaction was to find Alec and somewhere in the back of my brain I realized how important sire's are to newborns. I found Alec watching a lioness and her cubs. He knew I was coming; I made no effort to be quiet as I leapt in the air and pounced on his back, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

"Alec," I whispered as I rested my chin on his shoulder, "I'm hungry."

"Newborns," he scoffed affectionately. Alec took off to the east and I grinned widely at the feel of wind in my hair.

The sun had barely moved when we came across another little village. One whiff was all it took before I was leaping off Alec and speeding towards the nearest heartbeat. This time Alec made me help with the dishes. I pouted as he made me collect the dirty dishes and help him stack them in a pile but I did convince him to set the flame. I held a deep and primal fear of fire, it was the only thing I knew of that could hurt and kill me.

Just like that we were off again. I never would have kept track of where we were and which borders we crossed if Alec had not been there to tell me. For me Africa was not divided into countries but into terrain types. There were the grasslands where I ran with cheetahs, the deserts where I could fling myself from dunes, and the forests where I could swing and leap from tree to tree as fast as I could run.

Alec and I explored Africa together for a month. While Alec vehemently refused to allow me to go to Niger, every other part of Africa was open to us. Our explorations lead us south of Libya into Chad and over to Sudan. From Sudan we explored south into the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Zambia, Zimbabwe, and into South Africa. From there we followed the coast of the Atlantic north discovering Namibia, Angola, up into Nigeria and then east into Sierra Leone.

We left a trail of death in our wake but I was lost to both my thirst and curiosity. Little else ever occupied my mind.


	6. Chapter 6

The second month of my immortal life was perplexing, even to my super brain. I was constantly at war with my need to feed and my need to explore. Poor Alec on more than one occasion had to help me sink a boat to hide the evidence of my thirst. But not once did his patient support waver.

He followed me into the depths of the Atlantic after I decided I had had enough of Africa. I found that I loved the ocean and hated it. I was bewildered by its beauty and scared by its remoteness. In all our exploration of Africa, never once had a meal been more than an hour's run from me. Africa had provided a level of comfort to me that I hadn't realized until it was gone.

The Atlantic Ocean was the biggest dream and the worst nightmare to my newborn mind. My curiosity wanted nothing more than to dive into the ocean and not resurface for a month. My thirst made that desire terrifying.

This was unintentionally my first step towards any semblance of self-control. For weeks I spent my time close enough to the shore that I could have my daily meals. In order to do this however, I had to learn how to feed without ripping out the throats of my victims so that I could conserve their blood. I had decimated thirty two villages in Africa because I could not control myself enough to properly bite my victim. Alec assured me that if I learned to control my biting my intake would go from whole villages a day into a handful.

So I practiced relentlessly on the north eastern coast of Africa. Learning biting restraint took one village and Alec had been extremely pleased. I no longer came away from meals looking like a horror movie extra and the population of the village was saved for later. With that huge accomplishment under my belt I took to the water with reckless abandon. I walked along the bottom of the ocean until I found either sunken ships or exotic fish that caught my interest. I was delighted to swim with them. Even better than the schools of small fish were the sharks two or three times my size.

Not only did I not have to chase them down but they sought us out.

The next step in my blood thirst lessons was going from feeding every day to every other day. When Alec suggested this I lost all grasp on my small emotional range and flew off the handle. For an entire day any time Alec tried to reason with me he was met with snarls and animosity until I dove off into the water. We had been lucky that night, or more like I had been lucky that night when I found a shipwreck that screamed shiny treasure. We hadn't gone through even half the ship when the burn in my throat alerted me it was feeding time.

I panicked; my insatiable curiosity and my insatiable thirst fought World War III inside of me. Once again Alec had been there despite temper tantrum, his eyes never leaving mine, never judging or commanding. He simply waited for my decision. It was a startlingly reminder of my last human day and how since I had met him Alec had been there to hold me in balance. He had been my rock. I clutched Alec to me tightly trying to convey my need for him at the bottom of the ocean floor. He must have saw my panic and understood the fear in my eyes because he held me to him tightly, showering my face in kisses in reassurance.

That had been all the motivation I needed to continue exploring our treasure ship for another half a day. Over the last half of the month I pushed myself harder and farther than I thought possible. By the end I had made it a full three days without feeding and Alec and I swam from the coast of Sierra Leone to the eastern most tip of Brazil.

Comfortably I could go a full two days without feeding, if needed and no food was around I could last three but my sanity waned greatly. I had felt so proud of my achievement and the look on Alec's face was worth any excruciating pain I endured.

Our relationship changed dramatically from the time we stepped on the shores of Africa to the time we arrived onto South America. Alec had gone from interesting in my life to being someone I didn't think I could live without. We didn't talk much, at least not of anything of great importance. Our conversations mainly covered questions I had about what was happening to me and tips or things I can look forward to accomplishing. Somewhere in the back of my mind more serious questions began piling up but they never saw the light of day, my childish brain was too selfish and my emotional range too stunted to be able to consider anything out of my limited interests.

By the time Alec and I set out to explore the Rain Forest, a place he had never been before, our clothes were all but decaying off of our bodies. I had surprised Alec greatly when I had shred my clothes but along all our travels in Africa, we had yet to run into another immortal. Logically I knew they existed but they seemed so far away that the world consisted of me and Alec and the humans we hunted. I had no modesty around either, the humans because I was incapable of seeing them as anything more than food and Alec because there was just no reason. He was my everything and I held nothing back from him.

Weeks melded together as we explored the Rain Forest. We made a tree mansion in the tops of the tallest trees and wrestled with the largest anacondas. I swam with flesh eating fish and lay out in the sun while tarantulas tickled my skin. I swung and leapt from tree to tree as we explored deep into Brazil and in to Paraguay. I loved every minute of the Rain Forest but its population was sadly lacking. So Alec and I pushed farther south into Argentina. Our original plan was to run straight south through Argentina and curve around and head north through Chile.

However one of Alec and I's games got a little too competitive and we ended up crossing through Argentina at a southwestern angle and we ended up in southcentral Chile.

This was where our plans skewed horribly.

I had been leaping through the tree tops with my bell like laughter following behind me as I outran Alec who was attempting to track me. I often went from ground to tree to river to through him off my scent but he had learned my tricks and I was struggling to come up with new ones. I had spent the previous day tracking him and I planned to get my revenge by deviating off path to throw him off. I was two miles ahead of Alec and hopeful I could lose him. The river converged with my path and I delightedly leapt down to lose my scent in the water.

I froze mid-leap. My newborn mind frantic as I tried to place the sound of a heartbeat much too fast to be healthy. Immediately my body crouched down and I breathed in scenting the air around me. I expected to go into a frenzy, for my mouth to fill with venom and to begin my hunt. But the scent was decidedly different; it didn't smell human at least not completely. It was sweet too, almost like a vampire's but not entirely. I was utterly confused and while my newborn mind was filled with too much curiosity for its own good, this was not something that intrigued me. This was a new something that scared me.

"Alec," I quietly screamed and I stood rooted to the ground. "Alec please," my eyes were filling with venom tears that would never fall and I wanted more than anything to run back to Alec. My fear wouldn't let me move. Up ahead of me was something scary and every instinct I had told me not to turn my back on it.

I heard Alec's speed pickup and within a few moments I was wrapped in his arms as I sobbed noiselessly. "Shhh, it's okay my darling. I won't let anything hurt you." Despite his words I could feel Alec tense as he smelt what I had smelt and heard what I heard. I could see the thick rolls of almost invisible, shimmery mist develop and start to roll outward.

I buried my face in Alec's neck, petrified of something but not knowing what and all the while wishing desperately that I knew what my gift was specifically and how to use it. It was the second time in my immortal life that I had been terrified to lose Alec, but the first time to mortal danger. Right then and there I vowed that if we got out of this, I would discover and master my gift as soon as possible.

Alec continued to weave his gift around me in. He had shown me what it looked like many times before, we had played with our food a few times, and he had even shown me on animals how he could cut off different senses and leave others active. What Alec was doing now was different. With his arms wrapped tightly around me he guided the mist that had spread out around almost fifteen feet up. The mist slowly worked its way in the air, building itself slowly until there was a large dome surrounding us. My eyes searched Alec's in surprise but his gaze never wavered from the trees where the mysterious heartbeat was.

The heartbeat didn't move, the thing didn't try to run or advance. Yet my eyes, which could see through the trees extraordinarily well, could not find the unknown thing.

Finally after a few minutes of nothing but a racing heartbeat, a masculine voice called out to us.

"I did not mean to frighten you, you came upon our land." His voice was rich and deep with a timbre I found strange.

Alec didn't hesitate before replying, "My newborn is frightened only because you don't show yourself. If you mean no harm then we wish you none as well."

My teeth bared of their own accord as two sets of footsteps were heard coming in our direction. I cursed the forest we were in; it was too dense for the wind to alert us to another scent. "Shh my darling," Alec soothed me with a kiss on my forehead before he moved me out of his arms and behind him.

Not a full thirty seconds later a female vampire of obvious Chilean decent with wild curly hair and bright red eyes stepped out of the dense tree line. Her moves were fluid as she came to a halt before Alec's sensory deprivation bubble could touch her. After her came an impossibly dark brown man came out after her and my eyes widened as I examined in, taking in all of his impossibilities.

His eyes were colored like a humans yet I could smell saliva on his breath and the sweetness of venom in his veins, and could hear his heart beating in his chest – too fast much like mine had sound before it gave one last thud and died in my chest. When the man came to a stop next to his companion I realized he moved with the speed of a vampire but yet he lacked the grace.

The man spoke again, his voice as beautiful as any vampires. "We are not gifted; we ask that you not use yours against us."

If my heart still beat it would have died in my chest all over again. My nails dug into Alec's bare back, silently begging him not to do it. We should run while we had the chance. Instead I watched in terror as the mist slowly disintegrated until it was gone. Along with what little security I had.

"I am Nahuel," the impossible man spoke in accented but good English. "And this is my aunt Huilen."

Alec nodded to the man, his arm reaching around to pull me to his side, his gaze never leaving the intruders. "I am Alec and this is Isabella. We do apologize if we have stumbled into your territory; I had no knowledge of a coven in Chile."

Huilen nodded, "We have made our home here for the last century and a half." While her words sounded innocent enough, the accusation in her tone left me on edge.

"I see, it has been some time since I've been so far south."

For all the tension between us I wondered why Alec didn't drop his coven name into the conversation. Surely the threat of such a powerful coven would serve to protect us from the vampire and the thing.

Oh. I looked up to Alec and followed his gaze to Nahuel. Huilen didn't interest Alec in the slightest; it was Nahuel he was interested in.

Nahuel finally met my gaze and I couldn't stop the question from falling from my lips. "What are you?" I asked him as my head tilted to the side, a habit I had picked up from Alec.

Alec stiffened beside me, his arm around my waist becoming tighter. "Isabella – "

"It is alright," Nahuel cut Alec off with a smile and looked back to me. "I am half vampire - half human." I felt my jaw go slack in disbelief as Nahuel continued. "My father was a vampire and my mother was human. He impregnated her and left her. Huilen helped deliver me but my mother's injuries were too great. I bit Huilen and turned her into a vampire."

The silence that fell deafened me. My brain refused to work.

"Who was your father Nahuel?" Alec asked with an air of polite curiosity.

Nahuel's face showed his dislike but he answered, "He is called Joham and he thinks he is a god."

"That's – that's –" my stunned voice trailed off and I made no effort to say anything again. I was completely bewildered.

"Quite a tale." Alec picked up for me, his curiosity was evident. "I would love to hear more about you, I have never come across one such as you."

"We have a cave a few miles from here, we could speak more there. I am curious about your newborn." I stiffened when Huilen mentioned me but Alec rubbed soothing circles at the base of my spine helping me to relax.

"I'm afraid she is only two months old and has never met a vampire besides myself. She is skittish." Neither Huilen nor Nahuel looked surprised and I vaguely wondered how many vampires they themselves knew. Alec looked to me in silent question.

I knew without asking or looking that if I asked him to he would leave with me, but I felt wretched just thinking of it. Alec had always been my supporter, had always watched out for me and cared for me never once asking anything in return. Now he wanted this one thing, both for his curiosity and for Aro. The thought of Aro made me feel even more horrible. I didn't remember him clearly but I do recall trusting him and he offered me immortality when those who claimed to love me had denied me.

I mentally sighed and gave in to prospect of the next few hours of my instincts yelling at me. "Okay, but you're taking me through the Pacific when we're done here." Alec's small smile was all the answer I needed and he kissed my forehead.

"You are so brave my darling." Alec turned to Nahuel who had been watching us while I looked to Huilen who was smiling at me. "Lead the way Nahuel." Trust had still not been earned and we walked side by side to each other, no one willing to take the lead; Huilen on the far left, Nahuel to her right, Alec to Nahuel's right, and I stood on Alec's right grasping his hand in mine.

It didn't take long for us to reach Nahuel and Huilen's cave and even though I had lived naked for the past few weeks I couldn't understand why they would live so barbarically. Once again I found myself missing Volterra from my human memories, murky and dim as those recollections were.

I tried to be good, honestly I did. But when they moved to sit next to the fire I couldn't push myself any farther. I stood frozen at the mouth of the cave. Unknown immortals and a freak species were stressing enough, now I was being shown into a compact space…with a fire. My nerves couldn't take it. "I – I can't, I'm sorry Alec but I just can't handle the fire." I felt venom building in my eyes and I felt so mortified but I just couldn't do it.

"I am sorry Isabella," Nahuel stood up from his place and grabbed a bucket of water from along the wall. The fire died and the steam rose, purifying and soothing my frazzled nerves. "Is that better?"

I hated everything in the world when I nodded, feeling like I was actually a child. "I really am sorry." Alec kissed my temple as Nahuel assured me it was alright. Huilen even patted a spot on the ground next to her with a welcoming smile. I sat next to her pulling Alec with me.

Almost immediately Nahuel and Alec broke into rapid conversation. Huilen turned to me, "Would you like some clothes Isabella?"

My eyes widened as I realized for the first time since I had smelt Nahuel that Alec and I were both very naked. I nodded trying to get my throat to work, "Yes please."

Huilen guided me a few feet farther back into the cave, still close enough to Alec where I felt comfortable but far enough to be able to see her clothes. Huilen dressed me so that I wouldn't shred the clothes. I was wrapped in a dark brown cotton tunic that came to my mid-thigh and she gave me a leather belt that wrapped twice around me. It wasn't fashionable in any sense of the word but I would wear it until we could reach the Pacific where Alec and I were sure to be alone.

"Thank you Huilen," I said gratefully, feeling a hundred times more settled than I had naked.

"You are welcome Isabella."

Huilen and I walked back to the dead fire and sat back down next to our companions. I listened in to Alec and Nahuel's conversation with part of my brain, taking down facts and studying Alec. The other parts of my brain stayed trained on Huilen who had taken up teaching me words and sayings in Spanish.

We spent all night in that cave in Chile, Huilen was intent that I learn as many languages as I could while I traveled the world. I learned from her that they did not travel much. Nahuel and Huilen had mapped out most of South American, from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic, but neither of them dared to go farther North than Ecuador. Huilen was obsessively protective over Nahuel. They kept to themselves and to South America.

By the time we moved on there was a tentative friendship in place between Nahuel and Alec and Huilen and myself. I almost regretted leaving, almost. Alec and I tore through forest together hand in hand, putting as much distance between us and Chile as possible.


End file.
